fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
