Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
