Screwed.edu
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
