Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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