apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
