i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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