so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I love you.
Bad choice
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