is wine microwaveable?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
