Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
