The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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