I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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