I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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