Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
