you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Found the puke drawer
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
