I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
