life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
