Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
