I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
