I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
