I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
