Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
