His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
