Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
