Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
