Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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