i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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