alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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