Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
