I wanna passion pit in your ass
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No subtext here. People are naked.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
