You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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