masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
