I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You took a bar mat shot.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
