My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
