I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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