Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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