I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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