you guys were way drunker than both of me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
