It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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