the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
