My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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