her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toyâ€
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