eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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