I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sext me about skeletons
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
