Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
