ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
