Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
