she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
