I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
