if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This house was built for laser tag.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
