Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
