Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
