Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
