True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
